don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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