I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
