Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
