you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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