remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
