I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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