If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
