Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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