My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
