i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
