I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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