You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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