Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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