im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
