just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
