So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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