god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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