WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
