i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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