Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
