But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my shit smells like andre
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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