mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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