one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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