I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
