The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
