Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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