3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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