Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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