u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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