i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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