If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to make out with him forever
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
