Do you still have your period?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
