my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
