help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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