So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
