first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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