I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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