So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
