Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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