I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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