i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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