if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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