i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
