SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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