So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
