Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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