I'm so fucking centered right now
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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