my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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