I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
