we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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