rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
