it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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