i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize