..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my being single is dangerous.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
