drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
