I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
