what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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