It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
