I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i will never coherently bang her
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
