A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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