if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
