two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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