Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
