i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
