This is not my ceiling
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
