Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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