He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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