Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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