I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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