my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Are my feet made of real feet?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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