After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
