brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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