Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
