I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
