I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
