You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found the puke drawer
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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